Good Morning all!
It's been a while......but I promise, I'm back.
This morning, upon perusing facebook I saw a friend's status message which considered outgrowing friends...... a theme which has been quite common in my head lately. And it reminded me of an idea my father posed to me years ago.
As a child, I didnt understand how my parents could introduce me to somebody and say the person "use to be my best friend." I would always ask, what happened? What could they possibly mean that somebody so close to them......is no longer close to them.
Daddy explained to me that our lives are like windy paths. Some people's paths take the same twists, turns, and dips as ours do. And those people will roll alongside you forever. Other peoples will seemingly do the same, but then for no rhyme or reason simply veer off; another person's will briefly cross. And it's okay. Accepting my dad's word as the gospel truth, as most children do, this stayed with me forever. And especially in the hardest of times losing someone to growth, and death-- I've been able to let go.
Today, I'm going to add to this idea.
There may come a time that we feel that we need to change the direction of our path, or that we need to get on somebody else's. And when that time comes- we must see where the new road is headed- and make it our own. It just may land us far from home, and it would be a travesty to want to or need to return.
That addition would have gone right in line with dad's philosophies that children are raised to go away from their parents. At this point, my father would reference birds which drop their babies out of nest if they dont fly, or perhaps a shark which will eat their young if they don't swim away fast enough. While these examples may be extreme- he is right. Parents teach and prepare children for the world, and then they are to go- to complete their growth and the cycle of life.
Undoubtedly, once one is no longer under the rule of their parents, they may want to do things differently, go different places. One may fall in love and decide to abandon or ammend their personal dreams and live in the collective. Regardless, all roads may not lead back to the starting place. It would be wise to own a change and make it your own.
Bible readers and believers may reference Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.
Faith in God; prayer and belief in His omniscience; your path is not unclear for God is directing it.
Have a great day, and a great weekend all!!!!!!!
My father - Mr. Kevin L. Hopkins was raised in Brooklyn, NY. He has been married for over 20 years to the beautiful Joyce. He is a 20 year veteran of the MTA. He is respected by everybody he knows for his philosphies, general knowledge and confidence. He is fraternal and a natural leader. Kevin is also the current president of the Brooklyn chapter of the East Coast Bad Boyz Motorcycle Club.
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Friday, October 16, 2009
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Black In America
Almost a week after Soledad O'Brien's BLACK IN AMERICA documentary; people are still talking. This morning on a popular morning radio talkshow a caller was outraged because he felt that the positives of being black in America were not highlighted as much as they should have been. He went on to say that with Barack Obama getting ready to become President we should leave the pain and poverty of the past behind. That idiot was invited to call the show tomorrow morning at which time there will be a scheduled discussion.
Ms. O'Brien's documentary did an excellent job of depicting the Black America that is forgotten about- primarily because of the successes of Barack Obama, Condoleezza Rice, Oprah Winfrey and other prominent Black figures. Why does America constantly forget that there are people who live in this country who are working the same jobs with the same intensity; some make $50,000 a year, and others are only grossing $14,000 a year. It's not just in Louisiana that people are too disadvantaged to flee before the storm- no matter how still the quiet.
The vast median of Black people are not politicians, investment bankers, or doctors. And when there is a deficienty of exposure it only greatens the caveat of things people don't know that they don't know. It is important to remember the past pains- and pay attention to the poverty to understand the various mindsets of the 35 million African Americans.
BLACK IN AMERICA was not illustrating a Black family that live and plays in the Upper Middle Class. It also didn't illustrate people who migrate here and by 2nd generation they are living and playing in the Upper Middle Class. BIA illustrated the average Black person in a race that only accounts for 12% of the population, but is spending over $520 million dollars annually.
Ms. O'Brien didn't go into detail about the gross brand sensitivity that exists within the Black-American culture. However, she gave a very insightful look into the lives of the people to whom (according to Nielsen) advertisers spend $805 million annually to target. Over 35% of the entire advertising and marketing costs are directed towards Black-Americans. Soledad O'Brien gave faces, and a backstory to the 12.9 million households that are contributing so heftily to the American economy.
While the idiot caller is wondering why more notable Blacks are not highlighted- he should also wonder why only 14% of Black Americans have a Bachelors Degree or higher; yet Blacks spent over $33billion on new cars.
Ms. O'Brien's documentary did an excellent job of depicting the Black America that is forgotten about- primarily because of the successes of Barack Obama, Condoleezza Rice, Oprah Winfrey and other prominent Black figures. Why does America constantly forget that there are people who live in this country who are working the same jobs with the same intensity; some make $50,000 a year, and others are only grossing $14,000 a year. It's not just in Louisiana that people are too disadvantaged to flee before the storm- no matter how still the quiet.
The vast median of Black people are not politicians, investment bankers, or doctors. And when there is a deficienty of exposure it only greatens the caveat of things people don't know that they don't know. It is important to remember the past pains- and pay attention to the poverty to understand the various mindsets of the 35 million African Americans.
BLACK IN AMERICA was not illustrating a Black family that live and plays in the Upper Middle Class. It also didn't illustrate people who migrate here and by 2nd generation they are living and playing in the Upper Middle Class. BIA illustrated the average Black person in a race that only accounts for 12% of the population, but is spending over $520 million dollars annually.
Ms. O'Brien didn't go into detail about the gross brand sensitivity that exists within the Black-American culture. However, she gave a very insightful look into the lives of the people to whom (according to Nielsen) advertisers spend $805 million annually to target. Over 35% of the entire advertising and marketing costs are directed towards Black-Americans. Soledad O'Brien gave faces, and a backstory to the 12.9 million households that are contributing so heftily to the American economy.
While the idiot caller is wondering why more notable Blacks are not highlighted- he should also wonder why only 14% of Black Americans have a Bachelors Degree or higher; yet Blacks spent over $33billion on new cars.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
PUNISHMENT
On the phone with my sister girl lastnite she paused to chastise her daughter.
Apparently, the almost 3-year-old stepped behind the television, where she wasn't supposed to be, and then got her legs tangled in the cords and couldn't get out. After having told the child not to go back there several times, my sister decided to leave the child back there for a couple minutes. She reminded her that she had no business back there, and told her she was going to leave there until bed time. I knew she had no intention of doing such thing, but I'm sure the child felt a range of emotions.
Babies rely on their mothers, so by mother not helping her get out of an uncomfortable and semi-chaotic spot it breaks that team notion that mom will pick up the slack every time. It causes baby to think on a more independent level and after enough incidences baby will think before acting realizing that mom may not.....or will not assist. I think this is a very important lesson.....
I am sure that when I am a mother I will do the same thing. However, when I think back to my tweens and teens these lessons were not so effective. I felt like they drove a wedge between my parents and I. Life will have so many lessons, I don't need to learn lessons at home. While I am grateful for some, I'm still not so happy with others- but it balances out.
Many of us who grew up with these types of parents (I take my hat off to all of you because it's hard to teach your kids effectively) grow up with the lesson giving mentality. We take it all through life and apply it in spheres where we should be promoting dependence and teamwork.
These lessons were to teach independence--so when your co-worker does something you don't agree with, proverbially "teaching them a lesson" draws a divide on the team. Because somebody did something you didn't agree with, is it now right to be tardy on your reports? That is consequently going to hold everybody up-and just may come back to you somehow. It will definitely lessen the motivation of the "lesson learner" to continue working with you.
When your BF/GF does something you don't agree with, why wouldn't you want to draw them closer to you as opposed to pushing them away with negative reinforcements? If you don't like that your honey told friends about an argument, why would you stop speaking to them? That's just going to push them further. And probably fuel them to tell everybody that you're being even more stubborn
If your neighbor puts their trash out to early without a can, and you now a raccoon is going to tear it up, why wouldn't u pull their can around front and help them? Realize, their trash will undeniably make the entire block look bad. So who is really learning the lesson?
Personally, I react very negatively when I realize somebody is trying to make an example out of me, or teach me something. As a child, there was nothing worse to me than my mom saying "I was going to take you (insert fun here) but you don't deserve it so I'm not." I believe that is torture. If as a mother you no longer want to sacrifice the money on taking me someplace, then don't-it's your prerogative. But why do you need to tell me? Especially if I didn't ask. Now, if I asked and was looking forward to it, that's a totally different story. And now as an adult that has carried over and magnified 200 times over. People telling me what they're not going to do because of my attitude and actions makes me so upset; it makes me not want to deal with them at all. My reactions is Who do you think you are? You are not here to to teach me a lesson!
The fact of the matter is, sometimes instead of trying to teach others, we should teach ourselves more effective ways with dealing with the issue at hand. We can learn how to avoid such problem in the future. We should verbally communicate, and not leave it to our actions.
Apparently, the almost 3-year-old stepped behind the television, where she wasn't supposed to be, and then got her legs tangled in the cords and couldn't get out. After having told the child not to go back there several times, my sister decided to leave the child back there for a couple minutes. She reminded her that she had no business back there, and told her she was going to leave there until bed time. I knew she had no intention of doing such thing, but I'm sure the child felt a range of emotions.
Babies rely on their mothers, so by mother not helping her get out of an uncomfortable and semi-chaotic spot it breaks that team notion that mom will pick up the slack every time. It causes baby to think on a more independent level and after enough incidences baby will think before acting realizing that mom may not.....or will not assist. I think this is a very important lesson.....
I am sure that when I am a mother I will do the same thing. However, when I think back to my tweens and teens these lessons were not so effective. I felt like they drove a wedge between my parents and I. Life will have so many lessons, I don't need to learn lessons at home. While I am grateful for some, I'm still not so happy with others- but it balances out.
Many of us who grew up with these types of parents (I take my hat off to all of you because it's hard to teach your kids effectively) grow up with the lesson giving mentality. We take it all through life and apply it in spheres where we should be promoting dependence and teamwork.
These lessons were to teach independence--so when your co-worker does something you don't agree with, proverbially "teaching them a lesson" draws a divide on the team. Because somebody did something you didn't agree with, is it now right to be tardy on your reports? That is consequently going to hold everybody up-and just may come back to you somehow. It will definitely lessen the motivation of the "lesson learner" to continue working with you.
When your BF/GF does something you don't agree with, why wouldn't you want to draw them closer to you as opposed to pushing them away with negative reinforcements? If you don't like that your honey told friends about an argument, why would you stop speaking to them? That's just going to push them further. And probably fuel them to tell everybody that you're being even more stubborn
If your neighbor puts their trash out to early without a can, and you now a raccoon is going to tear it up, why wouldn't u pull their can around front and help them? Realize, their trash will undeniably make the entire block look bad. So who is really learning the lesson?
Personally, I react very negatively when I realize somebody is trying to make an example out of me, or teach me something. As a child, there was nothing worse to me than my mom saying "I was going to take you (insert fun here) but you don't deserve it so I'm not." I believe that is torture. If as a mother you no longer want to sacrifice the money on taking me someplace, then don't-it's your prerogative. But why do you need to tell me? Especially if I didn't ask. Now, if I asked and was looking forward to it, that's a totally different story. And now as an adult that has carried over and magnified 200 times over. People telling me what they're not going to do because of my attitude and actions makes me so upset; it makes me not want to deal with them at all. My reactions is Who do you think you are? You are not here to to teach me a lesson!
The fact of the matter is, sometimes instead of trying to teach others, we should teach ourselves more effective ways with dealing with the issue at hand. We can learn how to avoid such problem in the future. We should verbally communicate, and not leave it to our actions.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Premature
Man cannot survive on bread alone
Man is not meant to be alone
Numerous creations of art in numerous forms cite love, romance and their place in society. For Christians, the mere creation of Eve to keep Adam's company is enough. It is wholly accepted that people are social creatures, and everybody desires to partner off and travel through life with as a pair.
The media (not just American) plays a big role in placing a high focus and level of urgency on finding such partner that statistically, most people are partnering off prematurely; Hence, over half of American marriages end in divorce. Such number is lower than the fracturing of other partnered relations that do not even make it to the official accepted commitment of marriage.
The focus of relationships and the idea of falling in love is plaguing younger and younger people at a most alarming rate. Within the span of one generation girls were considered "fast" to be engaging in certain extra curricular activities with boys, and now girls of the same age are not only engaging in these activities but are doing so openly. This fad of pairing off is diminishing of the point of doing so. It has become pointless and effectively meaningless.
Of course, I am imparting my lifestyle, ideals, and, principles on everyone and measuring them against the Naomi's metre-stick of life.....but this is my blog (kisses).
With companionship as a given, it seems to me that unless partnering off for survival, the only other reason is for self improvement. After finding, or (for those of us who haven't yet accepted that we're ALWAYS looking) "happening" upon somebody who we (are probably first attracted to) like spending time with, we begin to evaluate other factors. Based upon our personal lists of what we will and won't deal with we either gravitate towards or away from the individual in question. So, it also seems to me, that these personal lists that we have are subjective; and some people will accept so much more than others, why do people settle?
The need to be paired off, or wanted is so great that some people will stay in an unhealthy or otherwise non-stimulating situation just to avoid not being alone. In essence, contributing to the high relationship-failure rate. Perhaps more relationships would survive if people actually waited until they found (lol, or happened upon) a person who they were more compatible (than not) with.
Certain elements such as trust, communication, and agreement are usually attributed to healthy relationships, however there are some other important ones that are overlooked. To live together, people need to be able to grow together. Growing is inevitable, and unless growing in the same direction, a couple cannot expect to remain a couple. Two people must also have a basic understanding of each other, acceptance of a person's ideas and actions are not enough, one must understand why their partner makes the choices they do to alleviate frustration and alienation. Lastly, I believe that many people overlook the fact that two people should be at similar places in their lives.
These things are very important to me. I am excited to happen upon the person who accepts me for who I am, and most importantly understands why I am. Someone who like me is not where there want to be as yet, but has a strong sense of self. Someone who I can share a transient understanding, a special element with. Whose mind and status can maintain such element which my soul recognizes as its complimentary counterpart.....the S to my N. The South to my North.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Injustice
Good Morning!
The three police officers on trial for the killing of Sean Bell were all acquitted this morning. The judge (not jury) found them not guiilty on all charges. How could unarmed men be fired at 50 times, and be at fault?
Historically, police officers are usually acquitted in cases of this kind. And this time, the racial motivation was played down because two of the three officers are Black. Why is it that White kids are never mistakenly shot? Or never have hairbrushes or cell phones mistaken for guns? Why is it that White children are referred to as teenagers and citizens, and Blacks are referred to as youth and male/female, respectively?
This is a Black/White thing; this is another example of the injustice of the justice system. This is another example of the Black community not taking social responsibility to ensure that they are treated with respect.
Sean bell (and company) may have been obeying the law, but how many young Black teenagers do not? How many times do older people not impart their knowledge and experiences on the younger generation? How often do successful people act unaffected and too far removed to make a difference?
It's no longer a matter of when is the madness going to stop? But when are those of us who can make a difference going to.
I am proud to report that as soon as I heard the verdict I promptly called my 16-year-old cousin and AGAIN reminded him about appropriate behavior with the law. That tomorrow morning after my NCNW chapter meeting I will be running a Girl Scout meeting with 11 six-eight year olds and we will AGAIN be having a meeting about current events and deciding on summertime events based on the grades they achieve in school.
I vote, I serve my community, and I am as current as current can be on events that affect my community. So I have the right to comment and challenge. I am not only my sister's, but my brother's keeper as well.
Today I leave with you a quote by Shirley Chisolm:
"Community Service is the rent we pay by getting to live on this earth"
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Over and Over
Over and over
No end in sight
Over and Over
Gotta get this right
Repeat
Cycle
Circle
Repitition
This can't be right
We've got to do bette
Over and Over
Gotta get this right
Habit
Role
Rehearsal
Homo
I know where we went wrong
I see the catalyst
Over and Over
Gotta get this right
Mundane
Same
Similar
Monotonous
Over and Over
Gotta get this right
I see where we went wrong
Won't stop 'til it's tight
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
You
Months and days of fights....
HANGING UP- YELLING
Seemed things would never be right
HANGING UP- YELLING
Seemed things would never be right
He pulls- I push
We resist
HE WON'T COMPLY- I CAN'T TAKE IT
But I still persist
We resist
HE WON'T COMPLY- I CAN'T TAKE IT
But I still persist
Finally-
I leave taking advantage of the peace that is at hand
But just as soon as I return and we're in each other's presence again
Who do I run into, but my one night stand
Monday, April 21, 2008
Why
Why do we limit ourselves?
Why do we contract our own possibilities?
My father once told me; "The world is your oyster; do not create a box for yourself."
Why do we predict that things won't work and not even attempt them? Are we the Oracle of this matrix? Have we never been wrong? So, why all of a sudden do we believe the frightened voice inside of us that echoes our inadequacies?
Why don't we have enough faith in ourselves to move forward and charge ahead claiming what we want; what we feel we should have. All the tools we need to conquer anything are available to us.
Why do we allow other people's views and opinions of us matter so much? These are generally people who do not contribute positively to our lives at all. Yet, one negative comment from them and we're altering our habits and routines.
After a recent conversation with a friend, I realize that even he puts too much stock in my opinions and ideas. I have my life to live, he has his, and you.....reader.....have yours. I have learned to make decisions that I can live with, and I can sleep with. Decisions that cause me to question my admission to heaven when the time comes.....and decisions that I don't feel like I have to defend......my hang ups are my own......and my passes are my own.
Be blessed.....
"Before you talk about the splinter in your neighbor's eye, remove the plank from your own." - Somewhere in the book of Matthew I believe.......
Why do we contract our own possibilities?
My father once told me; "The world is your oyster; do not create a box for yourself."
Why do we predict that things won't work and not even attempt them? Are we the Oracle of this matrix? Have we never been wrong? So, why all of a sudden do we believe the frightened voice inside of us that echoes our inadequacies?
Why don't we have enough faith in ourselves to move forward and charge ahead claiming what we want; what we feel we should have. All the tools we need to conquer anything are available to us.
Why do we allow other people's views and opinions of us matter so much? These are generally people who do not contribute positively to our lives at all. Yet, one negative comment from them and we're altering our habits and routines.
After a recent conversation with a friend, I realize that even he puts too much stock in my opinions and ideas. I have my life to live, he has his, and you.....reader.....have yours. I have learned to make decisions that I can live with, and I can sleep with. Decisions that cause me to question my admission to heaven when the time comes.....and decisions that I don't feel like I have to defend......my hang ups are my own......and my passes are my own.
Be blessed.....
"Before you talk about the splinter in your neighbor's eye, remove the plank from your own." - Somewhere in the book of Matthew I believe.......
Monday, February 4, 2008
BARACK OBAMA!!!!!
We need to internalize this idea of excellence. Not many folks spend a lot of time trying to be excellent. Barack Obama
How many people actually strive for excellence? Everybody measures themselves; it is natural to the society in which we live. There are benchmarks and categories for everything. Clear definitions exist to what is appreciated, and what is not. People are constantly in competition for bigger houses, faster cars, better paying jobs, and savvier clothes.
All these things that people are in competition for are rarely of any substance which enhances a quality of life. Nor do they really promote happiness. There is a difference in wanting to better than another, and just wanting to be. And there is a major difference in wanting to be excellent.
One can be excellent in their community, on their job, at school, in their family, in their relationship. The desire to achieve excellence is a personal one. It does not look for compliments and encouragement. Senator Barack Obama has internalized the idea of excellence.
An ordinary man who never lost touch with reality and continued on a path of righteousness now seeks our support for the Democratic nomination for President of the USA. Senator Obama worked as a civil rights attorney to promote equality. He was not looking for thanks and kudos.
What impresses me the most about the Senator entered this race on his own terms. He didn’t look to Charlie Rangel, Andrew Young, Jesse Jackson, and the like to support him. Senator Obama moved full speed ahead at his own volition.
Many of the older Black politicians such as Maxine Waters, David Dinkins, and some of the abovementioned have given their support to Senator Hillary Clinton. And I am truly at a loss of understanding. I can understand such a pro-woman move from Maya Angelou. But if we are going to allow “girl power” then we should also understand “Black power.” However, Senator Obama is such a worthy candidate that he does not need to rely on his race to secure the Black or the Brown vote.
Senator Obama promotes change and he has been very honest thus far. He has not made unreal or outlandish promises. He gives outlines for all of his ideas and realistic time frames. Most of all, he hasn’t slandered his opponents; no matter how nasty they have become.
His positive and clean campaign has catapulted him up the polls thus far. But he still has a few more votes to secure. In the beginning, his Black support was slacking because many Blacks didn’t believe a Black man could become president and didn’t want to waste their vote. But his success had won those people over. His savoir appeal, youth and tenacity has won over the young people. His honest and supportive initiatives have won over the people ready for a change. And now he needs to win the votes of the undecided.
If you are not sure what to do, I urge you to vote for Senator Obama in Tuesday’s Democratic Primary Election. According to Hillary, she is prepared because she’s been in the white house already. When she was there last, how did it help you? Since she has been a New York Senator, how has it helped you? We already know what Hillary has to offer, so why not give Barack Obama, a man who strives for excellence a change?!
How many people actually strive for excellence? Everybody measures themselves; it is natural to the society in which we live. There are benchmarks and categories for everything. Clear definitions exist to what is appreciated, and what is not. People are constantly in competition for bigger houses, faster cars, better paying jobs, and savvier clothes.
All these things that people are in competition for are rarely of any substance which enhances a quality of life. Nor do they really promote happiness. There is a difference in wanting to better than another, and just wanting to be. And there is a major difference in wanting to be excellent.
One can be excellent in their community, on their job, at school, in their family, in their relationship. The desire to achieve excellence is a personal one. It does not look for compliments and encouragement. Senator Barack Obama has internalized the idea of excellence.
An ordinary man who never lost touch with reality and continued on a path of righteousness now seeks our support for the Democratic nomination for President of the USA. Senator Obama worked as a civil rights attorney to promote equality. He was not looking for thanks and kudos.
What impresses me the most about the Senator entered this race on his own terms. He didn’t look to Charlie Rangel, Andrew Young, Jesse Jackson, and the like to support him. Senator Obama moved full speed ahead at his own volition.
Many of the older Black politicians such as Maxine Waters, David Dinkins, and some of the abovementioned have given their support to Senator Hillary Clinton. And I am truly at a loss of understanding. I can understand such a pro-woman move from Maya Angelou. But if we are going to allow “girl power” then we should also understand “Black power.” However, Senator Obama is such a worthy candidate that he does not need to rely on his race to secure the Black or the Brown vote.
Senator Obama promotes change and he has been very honest thus far. He has not made unreal or outlandish promises. He gives outlines for all of his ideas and realistic time frames. Most of all, he hasn’t slandered his opponents; no matter how nasty they have become.
His positive and clean campaign has catapulted him up the polls thus far. But he still has a few more votes to secure. In the beginning, his Black support was slacking because many Blacks didn’t believe a Black man could become president and didn’t want to waste their vote. But his success had won those people over. His savoir appeal, youth and tenacity has won over the young people. His honest and supportive initiatives have won over the people ready for a change. And now he needs to win the votes of the undecided.
If you are not sure what to do, I urge you to vote for Senator Obama in Tuesday’s Democratic Primary Election. According to Hillary, she is prepared because she’s been in the white house already. When she was there last, how did it help you? Since she has been a New York Senator, how has it helped you? We already know what Hillary has to offer, so why not give Barack Obama, a man who strives for excellence a change?!
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Somewhere to turn, someone to talk to
This is a very special piece, very dear to my heart. And I want to share it because somebody needs to be told YOU ARE NOT ALONE. There will be times when we have to deal with things on our own. Times will arise where the best of friends, and even family will not be there. There will be times where you feel like there is nobody you can call, and there will be times where there really is nobody for you to call. But remember you are not the first, nor the last, and we must learn from every experience. To all my sisters, and to anybody who has ever felt alone; do not worry because when things get better they will be that much better. At your lowest point, you can always rise. And remember, the Lord thy God will never leave you. You always have somewhere to turn, and someone to talk to. You simply have to open your mouth.
Standing alone- in a room full of people…..
Nowhere to turn
No one to talk to
Laying alone when he’s right beside me
Afraid to turn
Because there’s no one to talk to
A careless body
An empty shell
That thinks he’s providing enough
But I know I have nowhere to turn
No one to talk to
A new experience has brought fear, pain, and the unknown to my doorstep
To upset and ashamed to call for the regular comfort
And now it’s too late.
Something that should have been all about me
Now has to take on the thoughts of everybody else
And I have nowhere to turn
No one to talk to
Little things, and simple gestures are not enough
But little things, and simple gestures mean so much
Especially when I have nowhere to turn
And no one to talk to
I am left in an unbalance
The one that I reject the most
Is the one that I need the most
But he’s left me with nowhere to turn
And no one to talk to
I’ve had drastic changes
To and fro, and it’s too much for me to handle alone
And I have nowhere to turn
And no one to talk to
If it's too much for him, that’s not my fault
I didn’t ask for this
All I want is somewhere to turn
And someone to talk to
Standing alone- in a room full of people…..
Nowhere to turn
No one to talk to
Laying alone when he’s right beside me
Afraid to turn
Because there’s no one to talk to
A careless body
An empty shell
That thinks he’s providing enough
But I know I have nowhere to turn
No one to talk to
A new experience has brought fear, pain, and the unknown to my doorstep
To upset and ashamed to call for the regular comfort
And now it’s too late.
Something that should have been all about me
Now has to take on the thoughts of everybody else
And I have nowhere to turn
No one to talk to
Little things, and simple gestures are not enough
But little things, and simple gestures mean so much
Especially when I have nowhere to turn
And no one to talk to
I am left in an unbalance
The one that I reject the most
Is the one that I need the most
But he’s left me with nowhere to turn
And no one to talk to
I’ve had drastic changes
To and fro, and it’s too much for me to handle alone
And I have nowhere to turn
And no one to talk to
If it's too much for him, that’s not my fault
I didn’t ask for this
All I want is somewhere to turn
And someone to talk to
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
JUMP
Confusion has got to be the most awful feeling. Confusion is most prevalent when you are torn between what you believe is right, and what you believe to be convenient. Or between what you believe is wrong and easy, or right and difficult. Or when both (or all) of your options have the potential to be a mess.
Choices are so difficult. Especially when something you really want is right in front of you but you are unsure if you are ready for it. Choices are more difficult when other people's lives are held in the balance. Choices are most difficult when you need the input of others to make the most informed choice.
The beetles said, "life it was happens in between your plans." And that quote is becoming more and more true everyday......we make plans for ourselves, and have ideas; yet things seem to move in a manner that we never would've predicted and we are left with ideas vs. reality.
Just what I want, right at my fingertips.
The far future potentially so very close
My deepest wishes have become visible
I can see my dreams coming to fruition
I can taste the sweet joy of life
As much as I want them I am not ready
As fast as I move I didn’t see this coming
But they are just beyond my reach
Dangling just off the edge of a cliff
I need to jump
But will I catch it and make it over
Or will I jump and fall- with a prayer my parachute will open
Should I just stand safely on the cliff?
I think I’m going to jump
With, or without my parachute……
At least I want to
Choices are so difficult. Especially when something you really want is right in front of you but you are unsure if you are ready for it. Choices are more difficult when other people's lives are held in the balance. Choices are most difficult when you need the input of others to make the most informed choice.
The beetles said, "life it was happens in between your plans." And that quote is becoming more and more true everyday......we make plans for ourselves, and have ideas; yet things seem to move in a manner that we never would've predicted and we are left with ideas vs. reality.
Just what I want, right at my fingertips.
The far future potentially so very close
My deepest wishes have become visible
I can see my dreams coming to fruition
I can taste the sweet joy of life
As much as I want them I am not ready
As fast as I move I didn’t see this coming
But they are just beyond my reach
Dangling just off the edge of a cliff
I need to jump
But will I catch it and make it over
Or will I jump and fall- with a prayer my parachute will open
Should I just stand safely on the cliff?
I think I’m going to jump
With, or without my parachute……
At least I want to
Friday, January 25, 2008
REAFFIRMATION
It’s weird how some people come into your life and you immediately know their purpose. And some make a place for themselves. But then others linger until they finally fall into place.
I’ve had the best fortune with those who linger, those who evolved from their original assumed position and have somehow become permanent fixtures. Those who I thought would be for but a season, but have proved to be worthy of a lifetime.
There are many I can call in time of need, few who have no limits, and one that has never judged.
__________________________________________________________________
He approached my hostile situation of
Disappointment and desperation
Dead ends and no options
Lonliness and urgency
“You’re beautiful” he began
I fell in love with you
It wasn’t your beauty, even though you’re gorgeous as hell
He had me thinking I’d put him under some sort of spell….
Of all I’ve known, my love for you is strongest
The most genuine—he compared
It’s not about touching you or sex, and he stared….
I do love laying with you and falling asleep with you beside me
He reassured
And I with you as well, I concurred…..
Your happiness is all I ever wanted
And I know I can’t be selfish he spoke
And at that moment my tears broke…..
You deserve to be happy
He said as he looked at me
So refreshing that he understood my sensitivity
No matter what lies ahead for you or for I
He gently gave
I’m always here to satisfy all you crave
I’m here for you
He kindly offered
Positivity he tried to conjure
His combat technique was
No disappointment, only encouragement
No definites, but endless possibilities
No abandonment, but a pledge of forever…..
“You are wonderful”, I ended
I’ve had the best fortune with those who linger, those who evolved from their original assumed position and have somehow become permanent fixtures. Those who I thought would be for but a season, but have proved to be worthy of a lifetime.
There are many I can call in time of need, few who have no limits, and one that has never judged.
__________________________________________________________________
He approached my hostile situation of
Disappointment and desperation
Dead ends and no options
Lonliness and urgency
“You’re beautiful” he began
I fell in love with you
It wasn’t your beauty, even though you’re gorgeous as hell
He had me thinking I’d put him under some sort of spell….
Of all I’ve known, my love for you is strongest
The most genuine—he compared
It’s not about touching you or sex, and he stared….
I do love laying with you and falling asleep with you beside me
He reassured
And I with you as well, I concurred…..
Your happiness is all I ever wanted
And I know I can’t be selfish he spoke
And at that moment my tears broke…..
You deserve to be happy
He said as he looked at me
So refreshing that he understood my sensitivity
No matter what lies ahead for you or for I
He gently gave
I’m always here to satisfy all you crave
I’m here for you
He kindly offered
Positivity he tried to conjure
His combat technique was
No disappointment, only encouragement
No definites, but endless possibilities
No abandonment, but a pledge of forever…..
“You are wonderful”, I ended
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Follow or not
30 minutes to a meeting regarding my future at my job. 30 minutes until I find out if I’m going to be fired, put on probation or if the misunderstanding will be cleared up. One would imagine I would handle this situation in a myriad of ways. But to know me deep in thought and writing is how I would be found….
I feel defeated. Over the past two years everytime I’ve had to work with this particular individual we have had problems. Over the past two years instead of dealing with me directly this individual (who is above me) runs to my boss with her exasperated stories. For the past two years my boss has listened and the problems have been resolved. Once again I was assigned to work with her and we are back in the same situation. Only this time I have absolutely no motivation to clear up the problem which I believe to be a misunderstanding. It’s really a shame that I am not completely sure exactly what the catalyst was this time.
Part of my numb feeling has to do with the fact that I prayed about leaving my job (among other things.) And God’s answer to me was to leave, and I didn’t listen so right now, like a good disobedient Christian, I believe I am being punished. And while in my head I believe that God will bless me even in the midst of the mess I’ve created I don’t feel as thought I’m in a position to ask.
A good friend’s mother e-mailed me a little message about angels. The theme of the message was ,”things are not always as they seem.” I think that is a wonderful aspect to take on my current situation and believe that God is in control and I will let him have his way. But I know that I can’t say God is in control while I am also trying to take control. It’s not something to be done in part, either I allow God to move or I continue to resist and inevitably mess it up. And I wonder even if my surrendering is simply giving up.
I compare my struggle to a lost driver using a GPS system. They follow the GPS until they think they know where they are going. Once things begin to look familiar they proceed to move on their own volition…..only to get lost again, and possibly blame it on the GPS…..either follow the GPS or don’t is what I say. You can’t half step it…..and I KNOW that I need to either go with God or not. I cannot half step it.
I feel defeated. Over the past two years everytime I’ve had to work with this particular individual we have had problems. Over the past two years instead of dealing with me directly this individual (who is above me) runs to my boss with her exasperated stories. For the past two years my boss has listened and the problems have been resolved. Once again I was assigned to work with her and we are back in the same situation. Only this time I have absolutely no motivation to clear up the problem which I believe to be a misunderstanding. It’s really a shame that I am not completely sure exactly what the catalyst was this time.
Part of my numb feeling has to do with the fact that I prayed about leaving my job (among other things.) And God’s answer to me was to leave, and I didn’t listen so right now, like a good disobedient Christian, I believe I am being punished. And while in my head I believe that God will bless me even in the midst of the mess I’ve created I don’t feel as thought I’m in a position to ask.
A good friend’s mother e-mailed me a little message about angels. The theme of the message was ,”things are not always as they seem.” I think that is a wonderful aspect to take on my current situation and believe that God is in control and I will let him have his way. But I know that I can’t say God is in control while I am also trying to take control. It’s not something to be done in part, either I allow God to move or I continue to resist and inevitably mess it up. And I wonder even if my surrendering is simply giving up.
I compare my struggle to a lost driver using a GPS system. They follow the GPS until they think they know where they are going. Once things begin to look familiar they proceed to move on their own volition…..only to get lost again, and possibly blame it on the GPS…..either follow the GPS or don’t is what I say. You can’t half step it…..and I KNOW that I need to either go with God or not. I cannot half step it.
Monday, December 17, 2007
To wish or not to wish
To wish....or not to wish....does it really matter Current mood: contemplative
It's funny the way we give advice that we would never follow ourselves…..I recently told a friend that if she really wanted to be in an exclusive relationship with a particular man that she should stop dating other men and focus on that one. I am sure that she knows in theory that is the right thing to do. I know that she simply didn't want to put all of her eggs in one basket. But sometimes as friends we are torn between telling what we believe is right, or what we think should be done. I watched way to many Disney movies as a child and I almost always end up doing what I think is right. And through tightly clenched eyes and crossed fingers I sit back and pray for my happy ending…..
But my friend is not Ariel, I am not Belle, there is no such thing as a happy ending if we don't have happy right nows. We live in real life which is not fair. And for the most part, bar the weather, the climate of situations does not change overnight. If somebody isn't interested then they are not interested. And most people do not put anybody else's feelings above their own. They may consider them briefly, but in the end will act in a manner to which is beneficial to them.
I feel bad for my friend because I see what is happening to her, it's happened to many people in the past, and if I don't stay alert I too could fall victim to it. She is a good woman, she is independent, pays her own rent, has a GREAT job with GREAT benefits, makes more money on her own than some of the double income families that I know of. She is kind, talented and beautiful. I think she deserves a good man, if just for the mere fact it would be one less woman out there for me to compete with. But she is not going to prepare herself for the one she wants out of fear that he won't want her back. She played by the rules once before and still lost, so there really is no motivation to go down that road again. Instead, she will date multiple guys, receiving something different from all of them that will make up one good man.
I told her that the good ones are intimidated. They see her in all her perfection and realize that she would make the perfect wife, they know she isn't somebody they would want to lose. She would be the perfect mate as she is supportive and motivating. And when they look at her they see their own flaws. But what they don't realize is that if they were honest, she wouldn't even see their flaws. But instead, they go for easy women which present no future. They pursue women they know they can get because these women are not on their level, and sometimes nowhere near it. Where does that leave my poor friend?
I wish I could tell her. I no longer feel comfortable telling her to just wait, things will get better; he will come to his senses; the one who is right for you will not put you through this. But the truth is, I don't believe those things myself. After all, I'm single too. And the truth is, if I could tell her what to do, I would have done it myself. And if I knew the words to make her feel better I would too. So I will continue listening and advising her to wait for Prince Charming…..
It's funny the way we give advice that we would never follow ourselves…..I recently told a friend that if she really wanted to be in an exclusive relationship with a particular man that she should stop dating other men and focus on that one. I am sure that she knows in theory that is the right thing to do. I know that she simply didn't want to put all of her eggs in one basket. But sometimes as friends we are torn between telling what we believe is right, or what we think should be done. I watched way to many Disney movies as a child and I almost always end up doing what I think is right. And through tightly clenched eyes and crossed fingers I sit back and pray for my happy ending…..
But my friend is not Ariel, I am not Belle, there is no such thing as a happy ending if we don't have happy right nows. We live in real life which is not fair. And for the most part, bar the weather, the climate of situations does not change overnight. If somebody isn't interested then they are not interested. And most people do not put anybody else's feelings above their own. They may consider them briefly, but in the end will act in a manner to which is beneficial to them.
I feel bad for my friend because I see what is happening to her, it's happened to many people in the past, and if I don't stay alert I too could fall victim to it. She is a good woman, she is independent, pays her own rent, has a GREAT job with GREAT benefits, makes more money on her own than some of the double income families that I know of. She is kind, talented and beautiful. I think she deserves a good man, if just for the mere fact it would be one less woman out there for me to compete with. But she is not going to prepare herself for the one she wants out of fear that he won't want her back. She played by the rules once before and still lost, so there really is no motivation to go down that road again. Instead, she will date multiple guys, receiving something different from all of them that will make up one good man.
I told her that the good ones are intimidated. They see her in all her perfection and realize that she would make the perfect wife, they know she isn't somebody they would want to lose. She would be the perfect mate as she is supportive and motivating. And when they look at her they see their own flaws. But what they don't realize is that if they were honest, she wouldn't even see their flaws. But instead, they go for easy women which present no future. They pursue women they know they can get because these women are not on their level, and sometimes nowhere near it. Where does that leave my poor friend?
I wish I could tell her. I no longer feel comfortable telling her to just wait, things will get better; he will come to his senses; the one who is right for you will not put you through this. But the truth is, I don't believe those things myself. After all, I'm single too. And the truth is, if I could tell her what to do, I would have done it myself. And if I knew the words to make her feel better I would too. So I will continue listening and advising her to wait for Prince Charming…..
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