Friendship......

No matter what the personality type I'm completely sure that EVERYBODY agrees that the best relationships start as friendships. As friends you get to learn each other fairly and objectively. Both parties are themselves, there is little pretention and impressions are pure.

Often times when we approach, or are approached by people because of an attraction it is understood (straightaway) that the intention is to date, get to know each other better, or at the very least have sex (let's keep it real.) And these instances can be likened to crash courses. People can wind up in 3 or 4 month relationships and not know what their GF/BF is allergic to. But after months, or possibly years of friendship one would know not to kiss their boyfriend after just having ate coconut drops. Or if they give their girlfriend pink lemonade her tongue will swell.... this everyone will agree to.

The disparity comes at the opposite scenario. Remaining friends once the relationship is over. Relationships foster an intimant environment, and the person you are involved with is the closest person to you. They know more, see more, share and give more than everybody else.....especially if sexual relations are involved. In some instances lives and futures are so intertwined an individual can feel as though they lost a part of themself.

At the realisation that the relationship isn't going to work many people value the investment and want to hold onto this person as a friend. But what kind of a friend can you be? The friendship will be very intrusive to the next GF/BF and the friendship will mirror that of the relationship greatly. It will sustain and even further certain bonds that shouldn't be found in an ordinary friendship. After all these bonds were created out of more than friendship......Your GF/BF should be your best friend, but when they're no longer your GF/BF they lose those responsibilities as well as priveleges.

But experience (either your own or your friends) will show you it is not so easy. Once again, we create grey areas in a black and white world to make things easier for us. Instead of dealing with the gaping hole created in our lives we attempt to ease ourselves into it by holding onto friendships..... But this is stupid, especially if at least one of the parties continues to have feelings for the other. How can I be somebody's friend if I have feelings for them? Can I really be supportive of their new relationship knowing that I want that role? Can I really accept the fact that my role isn't as significant as it once was? And can you really utilize a friend if you have to filter your life as not to hurt their feelings?

It is very possible that after a break a friendship can receive a new energy; but only if both parties are interested in that situation. Personally, I only have been once, and I can honestly say that the friendship isn't what it once was. And the deficiencies are found in the filters. A certain dynamic now exists that prevents us from being as filter free as we once were. And that is hindering to the element which was the beauty of our friendship. The filters don't allow too much to be said or believed.....(think on that.)

Bottom line, hearts need time to breathe, people need time away from each other. Time to work through what happened, time to completely move on from it. Time to replace and/or redirect that energy, and if applicable love.