Wanted vs. Needed

The Poet Nightday asked Do men and women want to feel needed or appreciated. And is there a difference?

YES THERE IS A DIFFERENCE..... But men and women want different things....

Women want to be appreciated. We want to have our back and feet rubbed, not because we asked, but because our men realize we are stressed, or PMS'ing, or just because they want us to feel good. If we express that we are feeling sick in the middle of the night, it would be nice to be offerred some juice and motrin without us having to ask. Why? Because that's what we do constantly. We think of others, and we want to be thought of . We want to hear thank you and please. We want to know that our hard work, and small efforts aren' t taken for granted and gone un noticed.

We understand the difference of appreication and need. We want to be appreciated, but no good woman wants a needy man. We want a man who is just as self sufficient as we are. And realizes that being in a healthy motivating relationship is a bonus.....not a necessity. For the most part, successful and focused women do not want the role of psychologist working out the issues that mommie left behind. We don't want to cast out demons that have been created, or work through underlyling anger. We don't want to hear about how the man is holding a brother. We don't want to have to make sure other peoples' bills are paid, work out spending budgets, teach self sufficiency or keep a man focused on his own goals......but unfortunately we get caught up doing it anyway.

Black women especially, after we get home from being sharks in the boardroom and fighting society to prove that we are better than capable (even though everybody knows it.) we want to come home to strong arms and understanding. We want to be loved and appreciated.

Men however want to feel needed. It is as inherent in their nature as maternity is to ours. Men like to feel like they are making a difference in a woman's lives. They want to feel as though they are responsible for the good, and that without them or their influence the women they are with wouldn't be as successful. Although it shouldn't be competition, men like to feel that they are outdoing a woman. They want to make more money, they want to be more accomplished, they want to have better ideas. Men don't want to come home and be challenged. They want to feel as though they are the King of the castle, large and in charge. They want what they want when they want it, and they do not want to be wrong.....EVER.

It seems to me this relationship can work, most women (many won't admit it for fear of taking societal steps backwards and losing their right to vote, lol.) don’t' necessarily want to be taken care of, because they can do it by themselves but want to be appreciated. They really don't mind coming home and cooking and massaging their honey's neck if honey was appreciative and thankful. But as soon as honey comes in ignoring her needs, and expecting to be taken care of she reverts to survival mode (focused on herself and not going that extra mile for her man) and arguments ensue; man decides he rathers a dumber quieter woman who really does need him so he won't be challenged. And woman can't understand what's wrong with her and starts to doubt herself. She either swears off men and decides she will do it all alone and becomes jaded. Or she (out of emotional neglect) falls for the first jerk who gives her a little attention.

The scenario is all too familiar Successful focused woman continue settling, or giving up and Robert Blackwell, PHd runs off with Laveeta Brown Walker, GED