Can't recover from Clyde

I haven't posted in a while.......

My last post was up for about a day or two, but I deleted it. I got a few responses and as always I appreciate the feedback. Especially from anonymous. I couldn't decipher your identity from your post......but you know who you are. I thank you for your support and the positivity your post exuded.

My last post was very personal. It was a free verse poem, dedicated to my Clyde. I wrote it (long before I posted it) at a time where I thought if he and I could get through anything. After a few rough patches I took a break, I left town for a few days to get my thoughts together and when I decided to write about him I was filter free and got straight to the point.....

By the time I posted it I was still feeling positive but the newness wore off and although it was still personal I wanted to share with Clyde, and everybody. You guys know I think we should share our experiences.........

I experienced vulnerability which is a difficult feeling for me; and for the first time in my life I wasn't ashamed. I was completely honest about the intensity of the emotions I was feeling and how I was growing and evolving. I illustrated the parallels of our souls and strength of our bond. I smiled,because I loved him; I was happy because he loved me.

Clyde's response was extremely negative, and he questioned if what I felt was really love. He went on to communicate that truth is negative to love......it was very hurtful and unexpected. Also being a lyricist I would have expected Clyde to understand the honor of being the subject of my most personal positive piece of love to date.

Afterwards he explained that he was playing devil's advocate, but I couldn't understand how that was appropriate? The same Clyde which inspired me to be so true to my own feelings also incited me to delete my post. His negativity totally voided all the emotion that was put into it. My words were immediately left empty.......

Yesterday, Clyde asked me why I hadn't posted in a while. With everything that has happened to me this past month he probably thought it was odd that I hadn't written my way through it......but temporarily I couldn't place the purpose.....

For those who have been with me for a while know that I rarely write about happiness in love, and even rarer I share personal things, but with Clyde I changed it up a bit. And on two other occassions I shared my feelings with Clyde and he tells me that I've insulted him. I don't really know how my feelings or impression of someone else can hurt their feelings. If somebody told me my actions made them feel a certain way and that's not the way I made them feel I wouldn't be insulted I would ammend my actions........but it doesn't matter anymore because as Clyde said I have "said things that cannot be recovered from."