I love you......

It wasn't until they began to get scared were the kids sent away from the bootleg family screening of I am Legend this afternoon. And for the rest of the movie they conveniently had to go into the kitchen or dining rooms for various items. Each time sneaking a glimpse at what was on the screen. A few times they were as blatant to stop and actually watch.

So, it was no surprise to anyone that boy cousin didn't want to go outside to go home tonight. However it promoted a problem because his mom had a 3-hour drive ahead of her. Boy cried and was consoled by mom, auntie, grandmother and cousins. Nothing helped. I began to share with him my own childhood fears of the dark. (i left out the part that tells i'm still afraid.) And that I had to grow up to set an example for the younger kids behind me. But then I remembered that it is extremely difficult to rationalize the irrational.

My next step was to delve into the same fantasy which created this mess. I shared with him a Hollywood keychain. I told him it was given to me when I was a kid so I wouldn't be afraid. And whenever he was afraid he should hold onto it and think of me. And whenever he thought of me I would be thinking of him as well. As they packed up the car to pull out aunt called back that she loves me. And boy followed the sentiment. Then yelled, "Should I give this back to you next time I see you?" And I told him to share it with the next little kid who is afraid. And after he thanked me, he yelled "I love you" again.

That I love you meant so much to me. It was the first time I'd heard such a sentiment with such meaning behind it. And it was the first time boy had ever told me I love you of his own volition. And I knew that his expression had nothing to do with me. He wasn't trying to end an argument, he wasn't trying to make me feel better. He honestly felt love for me at that moment and recognition that I came to his aid. I returned his sentiment with the same fullness.

Usually I long for the return of the silence when the kids leave. But tonight I am lonely, I miss his running. And I want him to be okay. I want him to sleep here and wake up feeling happy and safe. I want him to know that he can always look to the family for security and solace. I want him to know that he can always come to me, to us. I love boy too.