the morning after

Approximately 7 hours after my original though space....in a more humble calm state of mind my fingers tapped out the following.



It's amazing how a few hours can change an entire situation. For therapeutic reasons I jumped on my computer as soon as I walked through the door lastnite. High from a steriod treatment (for my asthma) I couldn't sleep. I napped somewhere between 9 and 10am, but was back in full effect by 11.....and I've revisited pieces lastnite quite frequently. And in its entirety while recanting to my mom......

Now that I'm calm, and objective I realize I would do it all over again if I could, I would change a heck of a lot, especially lastnite. No need for jumbled details now, but those details didn't need to come into existence. I put myself in the shoes of all involved parties and for the first time saw the plight of my co-main character. And I wish I'd seen it earlier and handled it differently for now it's seemingly too late. But I am ready to admit that my co-star cared.....

I have matured, I apologized not to make myself feel better, but to make another person feel better. I was sincerely sorry for my behavior and a escalated repercussions. The embarassment was a completely different situation. I honestly wanted to make sure that other people were okay. I wasn't as concerned for my image as I was for disrupting other people's lives. I am proud of my growth.

I have figured out my lesson, and it's to not be so stubborn. My stubborness almost cost me my life. My stubborness landed me behind the wheel of my car while intoxicated. But the worst part of it is that I knew I shouldn't have been driving. I should have stayed put for my designated. But my stubborness and pride got the best of me. And in the end a mountain was formed of a molehill. Ultimately, several relationships have severed and a certain possible future is now the past. And I am sorry, but at least I've learned a lesson in humility. And when the time comes, I can exercise such.