New Year, new pain......
Current mood: tested
Category: Romance and Relationships
I wrote this at 7:00am on Jan 1, 2007. I'd just walked in the house from what was supposed to be a wonderful new years eve celebration......I posted it on myspace immediately......for therapy.....by the next morning my mind had changed......see the next post.
As the sun rises over the horizon for the first time this year, it also rises on my first pain of the year, my first and hopefully last heartbreak of the year. It's still fresh, and I'll share the burden with all who will read in hopes that it will lighten the load..... The craziest part of it all is that I'm not exactly sure how I feel. It was an emotional day for me, closing an emotional year that I was looking forward to ending and now I'm not so sure the next one will be anything but a reprise. I'm disappointed in myself for pretending to have control over a situation of which I had none. I'm mad at myself for being in a situation to which I had no control. I'm disappointed in him for taking it to such extreme levels, I'm mad at him for lying for so long, but even more mad at myself for accepting them. It was so amazing to find somebody who was so much like me I could pick up on such small things. It was cool to find somebody who had similar views and goals. I could definitely say we clicked immediately. And we both wished we'd met so much earlier. Which is even more amazing that now I doubt we will ever speak again.... To go back in time, I wouldn't change a thing, not even tonight, because without it I wouldn't have been able to get the strength to put an end to something that should've never started. Without it, I wouldn't have seen what little respect and regard was had for my safety and wellbeing. People get angry, and people shout but you don't walk way from, or send away people that you care about. People are selfish, but you don't gamble with the feelings of those you love. You don't toy with the emotions of somebody you're attached to. More importantly, if you say there's nobody else, then there shouldn't be anybody else. And it should be felt. I'm not sure what the bottom line is, nor what the lesson was behind it all. I guess I learned again that nobody cares about me but me...... Goodnight.
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Lol, so let me say that even though I read these in the wrong order I'm glad I read the other one first. Because even though I see where you are coming from here. And as the beautiful young lady I have come to know and RESPECT I feel your pain. Your writing is amazing. BUT I am a man in the middle of my own reltionship drama and I would think that you weren't looking at his point of view. But as you said this was immediately after. And your following post is the thought out one. For a second I thought that you should just delete this one but I see why you didn't. It shows how just a few hours of thought can clear your head. I really am proud of you.
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